Having an Intentional Marriage – How to Make your Marriage a High PriorityBy Tara WentworthWe are ready to launch our first date in our Ten Great Dates series! Our mixer/introduction at Richard’s Grill laid the groundwork so now we can move right in to the ten dates.David and Claudia Arp, the authors and seminar leaders of Ten Great Dates, begin by being very transparent about their own marriage and some of the struggles they had before they understood what they are now sharing with thousands of couples around the world. The content of this article is taken from the first chapter of their book, called “Choosing a High Priority Marriage.When they realized their own marriage was in trouble, they had to take a good look at where they were, where the marriage was heading and where they wanted it to go. They identified three marriage goals. The first goal was to look at and evaluate where their marriage was at the present (they were living in Germany with three small children, no English speaking friends, no TV or telephone and lots of time to talk). They realized they had unintentionally grown apart and both felt alone and isolated.The second goal was to set some long-term marriage goals – to look at where they wanted their marriage to be in six months, one year, five years, even 50 years. They began to set some “bite-sized” goals. They also began to schedule regular dates.Their third goal was to learn some new skills or to learn to use the old ones they already knew, but didn’t use, such as really listening to each other and not just thinking about what they wanted to say when the other stopped talking.In their national survey of long-term marriages, they found three common strands in those marriages that are alive and healthy. First, the marriage relationship comes before other relationships; second, both spouses are committed to growing together and third, they work at staying close.When your goal is to make marriage a priority, both partners must be willing to share the load to build a partnership. Although each individual may have a career, their own family and friends, both must choose to put the marriage first. Research has shown that the number one cause of divorce today is failure to work on the marriage.The first exercise is a visit down Memory Lane – sharing with each other memories that drew you together in the beginning of your relationship. Remembering that first date, first kiss, the wedding, your first home, etc. can help to respark what first drew you together. TFAMTFAM22009-03-12T16:56:00Z2009-03-12T16:56:00Z713792164Microsoft Office Word0185falseTitle1false2538falsefalse12.0000